Over the past two weeks we have been putting desire in the forefront of our minds and, like a pumpkin, consciously carving into it to get the outcome we crave. We’ve investigated the first two questions of the Outcome Frame, which is a series of questions that I use as a coach to help get to the root of my clients’ goals and desires.
Some desires can seem a little less concrete than others. Wanting to achieve a college degree is pretty black and white; once you have the diploma in your hand you can state the desire is met. However, what about the desire to have a more loving relationship with your significant other? We are going to need to put clear descriptors on this desire so we will be able to clearly recognize when we are indeed experiencing it. This brings us to question three: “How will you know when you have it?” Or, “What will you see, hear or feel?” Another way of asking this is, “What might I see looking in from the outside?”
So, you would take your desire of a more loving relationship with your significant other and you would begin to pinpoint exactly what that means to you. I assure you, each reader has a very different idea of what a loving relationship is, or their individual needs that must be tended to experience this feeling. So, beginning to break it down into, “What will you see?” “What will you hear?” And, “What will you feel?” These start to put measurable markers to our seemingly abstract desires.
So, what do you see? Meaning, what does life through that loving relationship lens look like? Are you spending more time together? More time building yourselves as individuals? Are you making time to meditate together each morning? Or take a car ride together after dinner? What do you see as a loving relationship? What do you hear? Is your home more quiet? More buzzing with social gatherings that you are jointly hosting? Do you hear your partner reciting you poetry? Do you hear more ‘I love you’s’? Do you hear less bickering? And, what do you feel? Do you feel confident in your body? Do you feel pride swell within when you share about your partner to a group of friends? Do you feel more sensual? Do you feel more peaceful in your decisions? If I were looking in from the outside, what would I see?
I’m going to take us into question four: “When, where, and with whom do you want it?” Typically, people are tempted to blurt out, “I want it now.” But, let’s consider this—If I said I wanted a million dollar coaching practice today, I know in my heart I do not have the systems in place yet to accommodate a business of that magnitude. So, if you really want your desires, you’ll need to logically map them out; and while baby steps can feel tedious, they are crucial to being not only logistically, but emotionally ready, to receive them. Dream your desires to the maximum, and then start aligning each step, no matter how small, towards actually achieving them. If I continue with these questions- “When do I want it?” If we go back to our loving relationship, we may say, I’d like to start making these shifts in our engagements with each other over the next two months and see if this concentrated focus can help get us back on track. “Where do you want it?” Yes, maybe one of us does need to adjust our career so more hours are allotted to the relationship. Maybe we do need to physically move? Maybe we need a vacation? Or, independent vacations? Perhaps the ‘where’ is about investing more into building up your support network, so you’ll need to ensure more time for social gatherings and friends, or with extended family. “With whom do you want it?” If your desire is a loving relationship, likely your answer would be your partner. If your desire was a trip to India, then the ‘with whom’ might be a dear friend, or colleague, or simply yourself. The idea here, with all of these questions, is to streamline and focus your desires. These questions are geared to help you dig deeper into what is motivating you to follow through with your alignment towards what you want.
Join me over the next two weeks as we wrap up the Outcome Frame. This incredible tool has served my life in profound ways, and I hope it is serving yours.