I write a great deal about building your life, so as to align towards your desires, in order to experience all you wish to in this lifetime.  I also realize that, for many of us, desiring, in and of itself, can prove its own challenge.  Allowing ourselves to even dare focus our eyes forward, or fully dream, may stir up many hidden emotions.

It’s easy to ask: What do you desire for your life in the area of career? Family? Spirituality? Health? Relationships? But, let’s be honest, these are all huge areas in one’s life, and to try to target in on our overall desires can seem a bit intimidating.  Often we tend to get fixated on one goal; I’m going to focus on getting a raise this year, or I’m going to run a marathon, or I’m going to lose ten pounds.  These are all worthy desires, of course, but inevitably, any myopic focus in our life will likely create an imbalance in other areas. So, how do we do the juggling act of creating balance?

I’ve been in the process of revamping my website, and thus carving out a clearer definition of what Balanced Presence means exactly.  What I came to see was that the key to balance is flexibility.  Flexibility asks that we ebb and flow with the changes that come at us throughout our life, all while keeping a firm rooting in who we are as a person.

So, in order to start this alignment with our desires, we will need to give them focus and begin to give them clarity.  Often, when we say we want to achieve a goal, what we are really wanting is the feeling that having that goal will create in our life.  I want to complete a marathon may appear on our desire sheet, but what we really want is to be proud of our eating and exercise habits so that we can be fit enough to complete the athletic endeavor.  When we say we want a raise, perhaps what we really want is to feel more financially secure, or to have more comfort in our relationship as we negotiate what we can and can’t afford as a family.  There is more to a desire than appears on the surface.

One of the greatest, and most used, tools I utilize is called the Outcome Frame.  The Outcome Frame is a series of questions designed to get to the heart of our desires.  On the Neurolinguistics Programming website, www.nlpco.com, they explain the purpose of the Outcome Frame as: “You are going to go to many physical, professional, personal, and experiential places in life.  The question is, will those be places of your own choosing, or will they be places selected for you by the usually indifferent flow of circumstance (What we call environmental variables)? The importance of knowing where you want to go is that you can then orient yourself towards that goal, bringing your energies, ongoing decisions, and abilities into alignment and in service of attaining that goal.”

The first question in the Outcome Frame is, “What do you desire?” Or, “What do you want?”  Know this is merely a first draft, if you will, so allow yourself to write it out.  Try to really flush it out for yourself.  Instead of, “I want a college degree,” consider, “I want a college degree in biological sciences so that I can work in the field of breast cancer research.”  Dig in a bit to get to the heart of it.  Now, don’t stop there.  I want you to do this for the categories I mentioned earlier.  In not only career, but family, spirituality, health, and relationships.  Whatever first comes to you, as all these categories are very broad.  Perhaps in family you are focused on healing a broken relationship with a sibling, and that’s more your initial heart focus than your immediate family.  By all means, though, if you have desires you want experience in both, then write them out.  In the area of relationships, a few possibilities are: with self, with colleagues, with your partner, with your fellow PTA members, with your dog… all valid areas to investigate if you feel a desire brewing.

The more time you are willing to spend on this, allowing yourself to hold desires in your life, the more you are beginning your alignment towards them.  And, if you’re feeling silly for desiring something, take note of that.  And, if you’re feeling like something you desire is an absolute pipe dream; definitely put a star next to it.

Next week we will continue this conversation.  I will introduce you to the next question in the Outcome Frame that will put your desires into perspective and give you additional footing for a clear path to aligning with them.

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