Ever feel like everything is going great, but then your old habits sneak in and you feel like you’ve taken a giant face-plant in life? I’m coming to understand how complicated it can be to be okay with being okay. For many of us, there is a comfort in well-worn habits.
I think a majority of people want simplicity in their life. They want things to feel less complicated; less go-go-go. But, when we actually feel caught up on projects, or we have that extra half hour for a bubble bath, it seems our brain interferes to create a sense of panic. I want to say that I think this is very common, but I also think this is revisable.
My life is going pretty stellar these days. After dating for years and years, insisting that my Mr. Right was out there, resigned to the fact that I might be searching for years to come—he arrived. After years of study in Health and Transformational Coaching and having not only learned the information, but applied it directly into my life, I’ve acquired essential tools and witnessed my alignment to my dream life starting to unfold. And yet, I still have days where my brain seems to sabotage my efforts.
The truth is, I don’t believe in self-sabotage. However, I do believe that when we utter the words, “A part of me wants this, but a part of me wants that;” that this internal friction is the real face-planting culprit. In my world we call this, ‘parts-work.’ Recognizing that each being is made up of multiple parts, visualize an array of individual parts making up your whole. Perhaps you envision puzzle pieces; perhaps you envision several different human forms; perhaps you envision a creative variety of forms and creatures and colors. Each of us will see our parts in our own way. They are parts of your whole.
I was recently doing parts work with my Transformational Coach and I envisioned three human-like, fatigued forms, in black unitards, painted with white streaks; all holding hands and representing despair. There is no wrong answer when it comes to transformational work; we are being led by our intuition, and judgment can not be rationally applied. Each person is different, and each part of us represents a vital piece of who we are. Each needs a voice and a platform for expression and appreciation.
I’ve coached many sessions where I’ve heard the words, “I hate the part of me that over-eats,” or “the part of me that disconnects,” or “the part of me that insists on perfection.” What I’ve come to value through learning and receiving the coaching, is how crucial it is to accept each part of us; yes, I mean every single part of us. It’s only when we recognize and embrace the whole that we are able to modify the choices being influenced by each part, and align those choices with our overall desires.
For me, when I feel triggered, one of my defaults involves eating more food than I am physically hungry for, and mindlessly watching an episode of something on Netflix. I’ve associated this habit to numb emotions that I am avoiding. For many, it’s that end-of-day alcoholic beverage that is their de-stressor or emotional avoidance and reset button. Here is the thing – these are wired pathways of choice that a part of us is using to cope. Now, you may be saying to yourself that you don’t feel you are hiding from anything; you just simply like to smoke a pack of cigarettes each day, or wait to return phone calls for several days, or remove yourself from your families company for hours at a time; but I assure you, these are habits that were created out of choices made by a part of you that is holding a specific belief pattern. Once we open this up, to look within ourselves, we become able to enhance the menu of options that each part is drawing from, to relay their message, and align those menu options with our ultimate desires.
So, I’d like you to picture a habit that you have, onto which you would like to shift the pattern of. I’d encourage you to close your eyes and replay this emotion within you that creates the feeling that you simply must fall into your pattern, or, the next time that burning desire to follow that cue arises, to simply sit with it. Now, I know that is not an easy task. When we are feeling emotionally triggered, we want relief. But, there is no way we will ever be able to fully hear what that part of us is trying to relay if we are always just drowning it out with our well-routed patterns.