What a bizarre week of flexibility of spirit I have been experiencing. What do I mean by this? When we are continually finding flexibility within ourselves to accept, or incorporate, change and ideas, but it becomes too much for us to emotionally process and we hit our breaking point. I’m confident you can all relate. It’s that point of rawness where, what felt certain, now feels illusive and even, too the far extreme, threatening to you and/or your life. But what exactly is happening when we get to this point? Likely we have tried to be flexible to our breaking point, and our gut reaction has that overwhelming sense of preservation.
I hit this breaking point today. So overwhelmed with stress that I could not sleep for the past three nights and my nerves felt electrified. What I had been accepting in; trying to incorporate, trying to appease, asking of myself, became more than I could handle. I had pushed my mindset beyond its place of comfortable comprehension, and not to a place of new growth. I had compromised my spirit, and my soul called my bluff. Too much change too fast, with too many personal and perceived expectations, and I recognized that the pressure was too intense for me to process.
I like to share my successes with you, but those successes often only come from times like these; where I have been pushed to my growth’s edge, and even beyond. I am never fully dismayed when these points come because, while they can be hard to process in those precise moments, they are revealing something priceless to me and my life. These moments are leading me; they are a reflection of who I am wanting to be, and who I actually am. They are an awareness of what I am hoping to accomplish, and what I am currently able to accomplish. They also show me where I have asked too much of myself, or compromised myself too far, that I have lost sight of what is actually best for me; all of these are vital awarenesses in my book.
So, what now? I reached out for support. I had to spill my burdened heart and release the emotions being stored within. I had to get them out to be able to truly re-ground myself. I needed to hear my thoughts, out loud, to recognize where I was off-kilter and where I was still standing in clarity. We all have different ways of reaching this place. I used to simply pull out a pad of paper and write my way to clarity, but I’ve come to understand that for me, letting others in is crucial to me not getting lost in my swirling emotions. What works for you? How do you re-brace your soul’s spine when it has been over-flexed?
Admittedly, I am no longer a lingerer in an emotionally-swelled space. To me, that is a form of self-victimization, and only delays us further from finding effective solutions. It’s a decision, really, to choose my purpose, my love for myself, for others, and for life, to propel me farther. I think of Eckhart Tolle’s analogy: If you are stuck in the mud, the more you struggle, the deeper you sink. Some people like being stuck in the mud, they like others to see them struggling, they continually convince themselves that they are helpless, that their life is a series of mud holes, because it helps them to feel valued, or recognized, or to better fulfill a role they have put upon themselves, or feel they have to portray, but that is the very definition of self-victimization. This is where many of us strip ourselves of our power because we have never comfortably called it forward. We are internally victimizing ourselves by asking that others also see us as a victim. But empowerment, now that comes from within, and that we have to actively, and courageously, call forward.
Listen, in my most sincere heart, we all have times where we hit our breaking point. I think that is inevitable for those of us not spiritually enlightened. I also think, there is no other way to that place of self-enlightenment, than being deeply reminded of what is valuable to you, and how you had been willing to compromise it. It asks of us to choose us; to choose our purpose as valuable, and necessary, and our love for our life and self as essential. So, if you are feeling a burden within, I encourage you to hold yourself as dear and investigate it. Be willing to stand in your empowerment, and embrace what it can bring to your life.