I had a friend compliment me the other day on my commitment to learning.  She was saying that because I continuously choose to spend my time focusing on spiritual growth, over television or other distractions, that she thought that really admirable.  In all honesty, I had not really thought about it that way; as though I was continuously choosing.  To me, it feels like spirituality is continually choosing me.  I simply focus on allowing life to happen around me and move through me, and it seems more spiritual gems just keep grabbing hold of my time and attention.

I received some incredible news over these past couple of weeks!  I finally landed an incredible part-time position at a nearby school, and I was accepted into the graduate school program that I dearly wanted to be a part of.  I can not tell you how wonderful receiving these pieces of news felt!  I literally let out a scream when my welcome email popped into my mailbox.  Interestingly, about two hours after all the excitement blazed through my system, I was then mentally clouded with the sense of fear of failing them both.  I share this because it is these realizations that keep me continually choosing to invest my time in my spiritual growth.  I want to know what my dark internal cloud is made of, so it can be dispersed and freed.  

I came across a beautiful lecture that really grabbed me.  The speaker, Ram Dass, whom I speak a great deal about, was saying that, “in learning how to serve others, we need first to learn how to work with the things that catch us; the things to which we have attraction or aversion.”  He continues with, “Bring to mind a significant event that happened to you today.  Let yourself go back and remember the event.  Maybe that event has some residual excitement, or aversion, or guilt, or sadness, or agitation, or anger, or frustration.  Notice the event, and now come back into the center of the chest, breathing in and out.  Let the event go.  Now, once again, go back to that event; watching the way in which you change from your equanimous, quiet self as you start to bring that event back into reality.  See the way in which that event pulls you out of that present center.  How you lose your center into the dance of life.  We all do it, all the time.  Just keep going back and forth until you have worked with that event enough so that you can think about it without leaving that quiet place.  The fact that an event is sitting there with that much valence, or power, is because you haven’t digested it back into your center. Keep floating back and forth- out into the event, and back into your center, until you can stay in the center and that event can be present, just as part of the fabric of life, without the pull or the push.  This is the process of digesting life experiences and bringing them back into the center.”

When we slow down those undigested moments and witness what it is that actually has stirred us, this is what we often call the ‘growth’s edge.’  It is from this place that we make a choice of whether to stay conscious and invest our time in uncovering our truths or distracting ourselves away from them.  What is your habit?  Are you familiar with your ‘growth’s edge,’ and how do you normally proceed from that place?  if I’m being honest, I’m a dive off the cliff and trust the wind will catch me sort of seeker.  I’ve never lost out by uncovering, and ultimately releasing, more of what has attraction or aversion within me.  That is not to say that everything I uncovered was easily digested, but rather, how having awareness of it releases its seemingly innate power in my life.  

As of August 20th, I will be a partner, a dog mom, an animal care provider, a massage therapist, a life coach, a part-time receptionist, a caregiver to my mentor, a weekly columnist, and a full-time graduate student.  Amidst all of these responsibilities, I can safely say that what I will always be first is a seeker.  Who are you first in your life?  How is choosing that first serving your life and the lives of others?  If you go into your center, or calmed space, what do you uncover about today that you can investigate to reveal more about your motivations and triggers?  Are you able to breathe into them to take them from a streak of red to rather a blended neutral in the overall canvas of your life?

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