I was having a conversation this morning, and recognized that there was a bobble in our back and forth, when I got stuck on getting a specific piece of information. I felt it at the time, but yet still sought to procure what seemed vital but in retrospect really wasn’t. Curious about this glitch in my mindset, I decided to investigate.
I think part of addressing who we are as humans, but more importantly, individuals, is to be willing to break open those parts of our uncomfortableness that tend to hold our deeper beliefs and self. This is not to be confused with picking ourselves apart! What this type of curiosity is encouraging is understanding.
We can always feel that pull within ourselves, where something has chaffed our sense of who we want to be. For the hypercritical individuals, this may feel like it happens a great deal. As I see it, these are all moments into better understanding ourselves.
Instead of beating myself up for creating a bobble in my conversation, I simply asked myself why I felt a pressing need to gather that bit of information. What made it feel necessary? Here is a hint: It’s always going to come down to love, safety, or belonging in our beliefs. For me, I came to see that I feel safe when I have more details. The part of me that wants to belong feels that with more details offers less of a chance of being unprepared for the experience, and perhaps even more likelihood of being comfortable during it. I recognized that details mean a greater chance of not making a blunder, or drawing attention to myself in an unwanted way. Details make me feel smarter and more prepared. As if having the details makes me more prepared and thus more likely successful.
Ah, but here’s the real question: Why do I need those things? Who am I without those things? Am I willing to be vulnerable enough to find out? How can I establish my own rules of love, safety and belonging that more accurately reflect how I currently feel about myself, others, and life itself? How can I set free my childhood mindset that feels hardwired? Ultimately, how can I build a longer pause between what I instinctually want to do (get the information), and who I actually am (trusting in myself to gain the information needed in the moment)? Ah! That’s it, isn’t it? How can I cultivate more trust in myself to gain the information needed in the moment without pressing in a way that is not aligned with how I prefer to communicate?
So, the next logical question, now that I’ve followed my sequence of investigating deeper within myself to find the source of concern that resides in my mindset, seems to be: What do I do that makes me trust in myself? Where did your investigation lead you? Think about the last time you heard that voice within calling you out for something. What was the voice’s goals in bringing your attention to that place? Where in your life have you had experiences that also brought up those emotions that the voice challenged? Can you see what that mindset is linked to? Is it one you want to preserve or shift? When you allow yourself to go down the rabbit hole to learn more about that concern, where do you end up? What thoughts or emotions seem to linger in that place? And, how in your now life can you enhance your personal tools and emotional strengths to balance that? As I went through this process, I was led to finding more activities that grow my self-trust, and thus allow me to release my seeming need for erroneous details that were serving to create that feeling of safety.
The key with mindset shifting is being able to recognize that your mind is not you. Your mind is a tool that belongs to your spirit. Your mind, while being the encyclopedia of your life, is wired with patterned thinking that may or may not serve your current life. For me, there is pure magic in knowing that those wires can be switched around to better reflect who I am now, and who I am becoming.
So, sit quietly with those gut pull moments, and see what you can learn about yourself. Remember, this is not about judgment, but rather curiosity and growth.