I was talking with a friend the other day about how much our lives had both changed recently. He just got out of a volatile relationship and met the woman of his dreams, and me; I opened myself to love and it appeared in my life. We discussed what incredible, seemingly miraculous, things can happen when we embrace telling ourselves what we deserve. When we both found the courage to live our value, love was able to come through the door. For all of us, our lives are an exact reflection of what we tell ourselves they can be, and when we decide we deserve greatness, that is when we open ourselves to receiving it.
So how does one get to this place? It’s about more than just desire; it’s also about acceptance and allowance. The first step is recognizing that you have chosen exactly where you are by what you are focusing your attention on. You are creating your mindset, and it is being reflected by your actions and choices. I want you to think of an area where you feel stuck. All of the options you can think of to change your circumstances likely still seem awful- and I’ll bet they look like either/or choices. Either/or equals black and white, and let’s be honest, rarely are situations, or solutions, that clear cut. However, the solutions you are seeing are being created through the same filter that has likely brought you to the predicament you find yourself in. My friend, who just met the woman of his dreams, in his previous relationship they no longer had a fulfilling connection and acted more like roommates who constantly argued. Why was he in that relationship? Because he believed that was all he was worthy of. However, when he began to find space within himself to hear his unhappiness, and found allowance for his desires to share something more, his true self began to come through. He began to find acceptance that he desired more, and allowed himself to consider options. This allowance to dream bigger- that is a reflection of self-acceptance, and ultimately a marker for seeing yourself as worthy. After all, you only allow yourself to dream to the level you feel you are worthy of having.
I was in a coaching session recently where the client shared a desire they had. When I inquired about the details of that desire; how they might flush it out, the client fell into “I don’t really know.” Ah, “I don’t know” is speak for “I’m shutting down.” It is the mindset kicking in and fighting you back into simply hoping for something, rather than hashing out a plan of action that actually moves you forward, with clearly marked destinations and goals to achieve it. This is part of self-acceptance. Accepting that you are not taking action because your mind is keeping you safe from failure; and understanding that that, in itself, is a form of self-love. Once we get this, that our stalling was coming from a loving place within ourselves, then we can accept the lull, and get to the planning.
Think about a dream you have been talking about for the last year, or ten years. What have you physically done to bring those ideas to fruition? Hoping and planning is safe – there is no failure in that. It’s the doing that takes real courage – and the acceptance that we may or may not fail. On a side note: There is no such thing as failure, only feedback. You also have to accept that you are worthy of having what you desire. If you close your eyes, can you truly visualize yourself in that desired role or space in your life? Do you genuinely believe you are worthy of it? You see, you can cultivate the tools to be capable of it, but you also must believe deep in your soul that you are worthy or deserving of it. For some, this is the hardest part.
Crucial, too, is that when opportunity presents itself, you must allow it in. You have to be saying ‘yes’ to your dreams. If you eat candy before the gourmet dinner, there likely will be little room left to savor the new flavors filling your plate. Clear out what doesn’t work so the Universe knows you are actually opening space within yourself to allow for your desires to come in. Too stressed and overworked to find happiness? How is happiness supposed to find you? Be a magnet for what you desire.
Acceptance and allowance within; that is how we call to our desires that we are ready.