I tend to listen to my iPod on shuffle when I’m in my car, or out for a run, and what I found is that I was constantly skipping over songs that I didn’t really like that much. So, since my computer has been giving me that warning signal that my memory is almost full, I decided I would finally purge my music.
I love music, all kinds of music, and often friends and clients will bring me CDs to add to my collection. I also have music I’ve collected from what I call, “my old life,” along with music I bought with a hopeful glimmer in my eye, and some that I have no clue where it came from.
It was genuinely a treat to spend a good few hours listening through snip-its of thousands of pieces of music, refreshing my memory, and reminding me if they were keepers or not. What was curious was that during this process I noticed so many emotions coming up. Not just emotions around the music, but emotions around the obligation I felt to keep some of the pieces that I didn’t really even enjoy that much. That was such an interesting awareness.
Why would my deleting music that I didn’t actually enjoy stir such a response? Was it that I didn’t want to erase the memory I had linked to it? Was it that I didn’t want to disappoint the person who gave it to me? Or feel I somehow was losing out because of the money I had invested in it? Was it that I feared being judged by others by not liking what they liked? Hint: I suspect it was all of these things.
It made me really curious about where else in my life I was holding on to the sense of obligation, and why. Were there areas where I felt I needed to bend and conform that didn’t really resonate with me. I’m referring to acknowledging the deeper beliefs that may have the trunk of our tree growing in a direction that is not fully aligned with the stars we want to see above us.
Sure, we’ve all gotten a Christmas sweater that wouldn’t have been our first choice; but let me ask you, is it still in your closet? Remember back to a conversation where, instead of going into what you actually believe, you just smiled and nodded, to avoid possible gawking stares for not fully embracing the social norms. I have to ask: Who is this serving? Maybe a part of our own unique concepts, thoughts, and likes, is to help serve others to stumble upon their unique concepts, thoughts, and likes? And, what if, by not sharing them, we are thwarting the chain of love and freedom that is our birthright?
I think this also harkens to intuition. What does your gut say? To me, the intuition is the universal voice within us that we only hear when we are genuinely listening. It’s the suggestion to get onto your path. I think many can attest to muffling this voice because what it was asking seemed too risky. Here’s what I know: That voice is all you need. It’s not a suggestion, it’s your truth. It’s the aligner to your purpose, and it can indeed spout out some pretty seemingly impossible, momentarily terrifying, ideas.
As a fully self-employed person who does only things she loves, and still is able to pay her mortgage and feed her dogs, I assure you that your happiness; your feeling of meaningful fulfillment in this life, resides in trusting, and following, that voice. I have taken so many terrifying leaps of faith to get my life aligned with my dreams, and it has not always been easy; but what I can say is that I never worried I would fail. I believe that everything we need to fulfill our life’s purpose we already possess within us, and following our intuition helps shape, sharpen, and give us tools to help us succeed. One other thing I can pretty much assure you is that you will never feel the glorious freedom of living outside the lines if you are never willing to color outside of them.
We have all uttered the words. “I should have listened to my gut.” So, let me just say it – I don’t like the band Beck, and I deleted them from my iTunes! And the idea of not having to keep skipping over every tune of theirs that pops up while I’m trying to enjoy a run makes my heart happier.