How do you feel you handle anticipation? Anxiety? Stress?  Well, to be honest, I had been thinking that I had a pretty great system in place.  Living in the moment, not holding anxious thoughts on repeat; but I have to say, I learned a bit about myself these past two weeks.

You see, I am in a major transitional stage in my life at the moment.  Not only does that mean anticipating new experiences, but it also means letting go, to a certain extent, of the familiar.  It means a change in routine, in quiet time, in potential stressors, and ultimately, mindset.  Just the idea of those potential changes had me a ball of nerves last week.  I honestly even surprised myself with how overwhelmed I felt by the swirling in my mind.  It took intentional extra effort to stay positive and grounded.

Interestingly, this week, as I am still on stand-by for that quintessential life-changing phone call, I feel entirely different.  Yes, I have been having thoughts about the transitional period, but the anxiety is gone.  So, what changed?  I’ve been asking myself that over the past couple days.  What changed is me, and my confidence, about my ability to handle the transition.  I began telling myself I could.  I stopped doubting myself.  That self-trust that came after running myself through the emotional mud last week; where I challenged my abilities and my potential, that finally stomped out the uncertainty and anxiety.  I am me again, if you will.

But, let’s be honest, I was me the whole time, right?  So, it’s clear to me that there are parts within myself that have genuine fear and hesitation, and those parts need convincing to get onto the self-love train.  What a beautiful awareness!  I am so grateful that I had anxiety last week; otherwise, it’s likely I would not have had this opportunity to do the internal change work needed to progress me forward on my path.

So, what is the next step here?  It’s a slowing down of the instant replay that spun its emotional array all last week.  It’s witnessing, and allowing myself, to observe those potentially ugly self-thoughts that stirred my fears.  I quietly ground myself and listen.  What I hear I just let come.  I don’t judge it; I don’t get swept away again by it.  I am not quick to jump on it, or minimize it, but rather I let that part of me that holds these dire concerns be heard in a loving and safe environment.

After I hear these parts out by directly questioning them within my minds eye; revisiting the words and ideas that consumed me with insecurity and doubt all last week, then I can breathe a big breath and begin the internal work of healing them.  How do I do that?  I increase their menu choices, as I like to say.  Right now, those vulnerable parts feel like the only way they can get my attention, and protecting me from entering into a possibly risky new situation where change is inevitable, is to fill me with doubt and riddle me with anxiety.  So, the menu choices of how to be heard are to increase doubt and anxiety.  I need to appreciate that these parts have my best interest in mind.  They are trying to protect me.  So first, I need to thank them for the wonderful job they are doing.  Then I need to ask of them if we could introduce them to a couple other parts within me; the parts that hold fuller confidence and flexibility.  I then reflect in myself by having these new parts tell the insecure parts what they do to get my attention, and why they believe that I am better served with confidence and flexibility.  Hoping that the insecure parts will see how this variance is possible, and how they too, might consider making an adjustment.  Increasing their menu options by showing them how other parts communicate with me in ways that more effectively serve me on my journey.

I recognize that it can sound absurd thinking about yourself as all these parts, but have you ever uttered, “A part of me wants vanilla, but a part of me wants chocolate.”  Subconsciously, you already know these truths, and the beauty is, that with the ability to hear more of them within ourselves, with clarity, we are then able to forward them to a place of greater healing and positive service in our life.  I’ll keep you all posted on the phone call.

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