I am sitting at the Toyota dealership while my vehicle is undergoing a recall repair.  Ah, to be able to recall a made mistake and fix it, good as new.  Obviously, there are repercussions to this – your reputation, putting others in harms way, losing patrons.  But, to be able to restore a huge mistake within a couple hours, and correct it to the perfect solution your hind-sight has revealed; makes me wonder.

When I think about some really big ‘mistakes’ I’ve made in my life, I have to ask myself:  Are they really mistakes?  Where did those choices bring me?  What in my life insisted on change after that choice was made?  As we say in Transformational Coaching: There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.

“There is no such thing as failure, only feedback.”  What a powerful statement that is.  “No failure” – what if we actually allowed that much forgiveness into ourselves to accept that whatever we chose was simply that, a choice.  Most choices are not black and white, but rather loaded with gray, and it’s in the gray that we get our ‘feedback.’  Inevitably, the outcome of our choice creates a chain reaction of events.  Even when you consider something as seemingly insignificant as, will you choose paper or plastic, you are saying something about yourself, and the feedback from that choice can be as wide reaching as the planet’s environment.  Fascinating!

Still feeling stuck on the idea that there is “no failure?”  It’s kind of mind-blowing, isn’t it?  When you think of all the guilt we riddle onto ourselves; insisting that our not reaching our set goal, or reacting out of emotion and spouting off some unintended words, or slacking on our chores to watch Netflix, or disowning a relative….. all not failures.  When we make a choice, or take an action, there is a change that occurs.  There is no right or wrong, good or bad, it’s simply feedback.  It might be feedback that we perceive as good or bad, right or wrong, but that’s us putting our emotions onto it.  The feedback, itself, is neutral.  And when we remove the heartache we cause ourselves, we can use that feedback to better inform our next choice.

Now, when we insist on submerging in the emotions of feedback, we are painting it with the beliefs we hold about ourselves.  Remember, we like to be right.  Applied for your dream college, but your application was rejected.  What does this mean about you?  Whatever your answer is; that’s what you believe about yourself and others, because the rejection is simply that.  Perhaps they were full, perhaps they sent it by mistake, perhaps your essay told them you were better suited for a better college?  But, we rarely treat ourselves with a loving hand, and often assume something monsterous about our character.  Am I right?

I think this is a reflection of how we so often look to others to define us, or approve of us.  We value their view of us, no matter how informed; to haggle with our soul about its value.  That’s an immense amount of power to willingly hand over, and often to strangers.  It’s like letting someone recall you, and replace your parts with what they feel is best.

When we allow ourselves to stand authentic in our desires, we are able to better make choices from a place more aligned towards the life we want.  However, if we hide, or remain unclear in our desires, then our choices will reflect that.  It’s been said that people who reach high levels of success are goal setters.  They set specific goals, with specific dates, and devise a plan to obtain them.  This allows them to measure their methods of reaching for success, to find the combination that ultimately helps them reach their desires.  There is less unfocused energy spent floundering on uncertainty and doubt.  With goals, your energy is focused, and your choices are with intention.  This allows us to view our feedback as a step towards our goal, or a step back, and thus we are better able to see how to take the next steps to follow.  The drive toward our desires being unwavering, we’re not holding ourselves in judgment for actually trying and reaching for our dreams.

So, is there a part of you that has been recalled, that needs replacing?  A part that is not serving your whole?  Allow yourself to take in the feedback from a choice you made, and ask yourself how you can take the next step forward in alignment with your larger goals.

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