I’ve been feeling a bit out of sorts lately. I am clearly still in the process of grieving, while simultaneously welcoming our new adoptee. Along with this, I am struggling with my inability to properly train for the two half-marathons I am signed up for in June, due to a leg injury that just won’t seem to heal.
When I was out dog walking today, there was a crispness in the air. It dawned on me what I was feeling was anger. I think just simply having so much to process put me into a bit of a tail spin, and I felt angry that I was unable to gently move forward in my life. I realized I had felt anger a lot in my life, and that some of it was still buried down in me. It was that anger that once had me over-eating, which is why I had starting my coaching journey to begin with. It was that anger that kept me from smiling at times, or holding myself more serious in mind than I actually needed, or wanted to. It was that anger that kept me from fully being one of those people who, when you meet them, their joy fills the space.
After a few hours of walking, I had an epiphany; what if I just let it go? Why complicate it? Why not just let that anger go? What was I holding on to it for if it was only suppressing me? How was it serving me? Did I feel like, letting it go meant letting those that helped shape it off the hook? Did I feel like, if I let that anger go, it would excuse the harsh situations that I had endured? Did it somehow define me, and I couldn’t find my sense of self without it? Why was it actually worth holding on to?
What I discovered is that the anger I felt was my holding on to past hurts, past self-judgments; basically, the past. It wasn’t me. It was a fog that had permeated my cells and blinded them to my joyous, bubbly, happy-go-lucky, sunshine in my soul, true existence. I realized that I simply needed to thank that anger for helping to protect me from old wounds, but that I was willing and able to now set it free.
I stood for a long moment, closed my eyes, and envisioned the dark gray within me slowly leaving my body; pressing out through my pores as a bright light swept in to fill its void. Oddly, I also envisioned those play dough dolls whose hair would grow. I felt the anger thicker in some areas in my body than others. I felt resistance in some areas as well, where there was a self-definition happening around that anger. I just sent that area more love, more light, to allow it to let the anger go. I could feel the chill of the air on my face, and the present moment returning to me. No longer consumed by thoughts, or emotion, but just simply standing in the chilled air with dogs I loved, outside, celebrating the day. I felt cleansed. I felt free.
I can attest that my awareness that I hold for moments like this comes from a lifetime of spiritual seeking, as well as loads of Transformational Coaching. However, I’m confident that no matter where you are on your journey, you are able to recognize when you’re feeling a bit off. Perhaps you, too, are able to pinpoint the emotion connected to that, but if not, naming it really isn’t that important. What’s most important is the decision to free yourself from it. For me, the Transformational Coaching has adjusted many of my beliefs which allows me to hold this new peaceful state quite clearly; but for others, this may be something you need to do several times before you start to actually feel the breaths you are taking in. That’s perfectly wonderful! Just to know there is a way is all that matters.
So often, I think we are racing from point A to point B and we don’t really reconcile where we are within ourselves. We take in life’s joys and challenges, but rarely assess how they land within us; the affect they will have on us, or how we’ll hold onto them and draw on them.
I share this with you in the hopes that you take a moment to quietly sit with yourself and embrace what is going on inside of you. And if, like me, you feel some emotions that you would like to free; consider offering yourself that visual to let them go. If we are only our emotions, or our thoughts, how can we excel in our spirit? Set yourself free.