As we continue on from last week’s article, “Dare to Dream,” where we discussed a helpful starting off point to begin to flush out your desires in greater detail, I’m wondering how it went for you?  Did you find it easier to write out your desires for career than you did for relationships?  As you dug into them, did you start to feel excitement or despair? Perhaps some desires felt within reach, while others seemed ludicrous? Believe it or not, this is all great information to hold!  You are allowing desire to enter your life, and you are beginning to see, in which areas of your life you hold the most resistance.

So, last week we discussed the first question of the Outcome Frame, which is a series of questions that I often use as a coach to get to the root of my client’s desires.  This week we are going to take that a step further.  I’d like you to take out your writings from this past week, of your desires, and read through them.  Perhaps you want to make an edit or two since percolating on them?  That’s wonderful!  The more clear you can be about your desires, the more focused your alignment to them can be, and your decisions and energies can be more concise and intentional.

I’d like you to choose the desire on your list that excites you the most, or feels the most pressing to you.  What we are going to do now is determine your motivating factor for desiring that.  The second question is, “What will having that do for you?” Or, “Why is that important to you?”  If your desire is to be able to more clearly communicate with your partner, then perhaps the motivating factor is so that you argue less, or you both feel more heard, or you want to enjoy the process of finding compromised solutions so it feels more like a give and take.

What motivates us towards our desire, is beginning to clarify the feeling we want to have from achieving our desire.  If we know the feeling we want, we can begin to build that feeling into our life now, while we work towards our overall goal.  If by having clearer communication with our partner, we may come to see that what we actually want is to feel more connected, or more intimacy in our relationship, and thus we have deepened and refined our desire.  So, if we suddenly realize that yes, communication is part of it, but what we really desire is connection, then we can ask, “What will having that do for you?” See, we are using the questions in a circular way to keep digging deeper, uncovering our desires, feelings, and likely our beliefs and patterns surrounding them.

Continuing on with this idea- while there are two versions of question two, both basically asking the same things: “What will having that do for you?” and “Why is that important to you?” They can be layered.  If we determine that what we desire is more connection, and what having that would do for us is to rejuvenate that spark in our relationship, then we can also layered that with- “Why is that important to you?” This might reveal that when our spark feels faded, we feel like we are not offering our greatest vulnerability to our partner.  And then we could go to- “What having that will do for you?”… see how these questions are able to pry open our initial responses and take us farther down the rabbit hole of our desires to uncover the root?  It’s important to recognize how you are feeling as you dig in, since the areas of uncomfortableness are typically markers for areas that need healing.

Over the next few weeks we will investigate the full eight questions in the Outcome Frame sequence, as I know them.  I’m eager to know how this self-investigation goes.  Personally, I have two coaches that I regularly work with so that I can utilize their expertise to investigate my Outcome Frame answers.  Then I can get into my beliefs and identity shaping factors, with their help, to create greater changes on a cellular level.  Using the Outcome Frame nearly every single day in my life, with myself, to begin to peel back the layers and continue to refine my alignment towards the life of my dreams, is incredibly empowering!

Until next week!

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