d30202b7-341a-498a-a15f-4f9933bf8244One of the main concepts we talk about in coaching is understanding your ‘come from’, or your stance.  What that means is- the energy that you come at something from.  If you are coming from a place of anger when you are trying to hold a discussion, inevitably, that anger will find its way into your words and body language.  But, let’s say, you are feeling angry so you take a time out, to go walk around the block and calm yourself before going in the discussion; your ‘come from’ will likely be more grounded.  If your ‘come from,’ or stance, is more rooted into your calmed mind, that inevitably will be more aligned with your true desire.  Here’s an example:  A couple argues, they say harsh words, and thus all the love they actually feel for each other, and each of their desires to strengthen that love, are completely overshadowed by a non-grounded ‘come from.’  The situation will likely never resolve itself to either person’s satisfaction, and the desired outcome- finding a resolution and strengthening their relationship, will only prove farther off on the horizon.

So, what grounds you?  The truth is, we often mistake grounding for numbing.  There have been on and off years of my life where over-eating and binging on Netflix was what I was convinced was my calming mechanism.  And while, yes, my calming nervous system did often become engaged, what I came to realize is that I wasn’t serving myself and my desires, but rather escaping from them, or the fear of them, by numbing myself.  Something stressful would happen and I would tell myself I needed to ‘zone out.’  But, what if I would have allowed myself to see that, yes, I did need to decompress, but I could do it without taking a step backwards.  What if I could find ways to get that soothing that was also serving my desires?  Could I suit up my dogs and take a walk to the beach?  Would that settle my stirred soul?  I’d be giving myself and my dogs exercise; I’d be spending time with them, making memories; I’d be adhering to my fitness goals… All serving my actual desires and grounding myself more.

I did a thirteen mile hike the other weekend to see two waterfalls and an old Civil War cemetery.  I shared company with another life seeker, and together we embraced the nature that surrounded us.  Instead of describing the two waterfalls, I’d ask that you close your eyes for a moment and hear a waterfall in your mind.  It doesn’t matter if it is layered creek rock with dribbling water, or a roaring beast of water rushing forth over a mountainous cliff; whatever suits your mood, just close your eyes and allow yourself to hear it.  Breathe in that sound, taking all the time you like.

I find that visualizations are one of the tools I now use to decompress, as they seem to have the ability to wash off the muck that has been weighing me down.  Often, it’s when we are in this purified state that clarity strikes; helpjng us to map our way out of what has created angst.  We’ve now engaged our parasympathetic nervous system, the calmed aspect of our nervous system, and from here we approach life much more focused.

What’s awesome about this is the realization that we can channel this aspect within ourselves, and bring ourselves to this place, whenever we desire or need to.  Discovering what soothes you, or brings you to this peaceful state, varies for each of us.  For some, it’s visualizations; for others, exercise; for some it’s with food; perhaps it’s a bath, or writing, or meditation.  The trick is to uncover what works for you and is also aligned with your desires.  I once participated in a course where we were to take an Altoid tin and fill it with items that could bring us to this peaceful place. I remember putting in mine a rock from the beach, and a guitar pick, to tap into that happy place I always felt when I was little. I would sit with my Dad on the couch singing Doors’ tunes while he played his guitar.  I had a dog toy squeaker in there, a dried lavender flower, and a love letter.  All things designed to help me find my inner peace in times of stress; a simple tin to keep in your car, purse, or on the nightstand.

So, what soothes and settles you? Music? Visualizations? Hiking? Writing? A tin full of lovelies?  I encourage you to seek out many forms of decompression that all help you take a focused step forward toward your desires.

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